June 17, 2012—Father’s Day

This has been an emotional week for me.

As I write my column, Darren is in Knoxville with our son for his University of Tennessee orientation. Haedyn is our second to go to college, but the first to leave home. Hunter, our eldest daughter, is a student at Austin Peay. In an effort to save money, she has lived at home for the first two years of her college experience. She announced this past spring that she wants to move on campus. While we’re excited about these moves for our children, I can’t help but have a little anxious pang of panic at the two of them leaving in unison. I mean, who is going to get Hannah to gym? (Just kidding—sort of.) I’ll miss them both terribly and not just because they’re great chauffeurs for their sister.

 

I guess, however, before we move my eldest children out of the house, we should address the fact that it is Father’s Day. Those of you who read my column regularly—right after the obituaries and the comics—will recall that I wrote about all of the great stuff I learned from my mother for mother’s day. It would follow that I would write about all I learned from my dad for Father’s Day, but as the tears are welling in my eyes even trying to start this, that will have to wait until next year. Suffice to say for now, that he is, was and will always be the most influential man in my life. He showed love to our entire family, which extended to our friends, and so many more. I miss him every day.

Instead, I want to share a little bit about the guy I’ve watched become a father.

My husband, Darren, was raised by his mom. She and Darren’s dad divorced when Darren was very young. Darren didn’t know his dad very well until later in life. They spent some time together while he was growing-up, but he wasn’t an everyday dad. We did get to know him—he was a great Grandpa—and we miss him tremendously, as well.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t worry me about what kind of dad Darren would be. My Dad was such an integral part of my upbringing and influence, which caused me to wonder if Darren had received the same sort of nurturing, guidance and support. I need not have worried; twenty years into this parenting thing, I can’t imagine a better partner with whom to parent.

Darren is the yin to my yang—especially with regard to parenting. He is more disciplined than I, in many regards, but they all serve as good examples to the kids. He is physically active. He believes in the maximum, “everything in moderation.” He demonstrates to the kids that you can enjoy those vegies sautéed in butter, but you need to make sure you’re balancing it with exercise. He has taught them they are responsible for their actions or the lack of action. He has a great sense of humor and the kids appreciate it—especially that kind of humor that mom often chides as inappropriate.

As the son of a single parent, he learned to be self-sufficient at an early age. He has instilled the children with the same ethic. I admit it—I was taught many things as a child and young adult, but I probably fell back on my parents for support more frequently than Darren did. I know his mother expected a lot of him and guided him in many of his core values.

As a 22-year Army Veteran, he has demonstrated the importance of service to your country, as well as the pride found in a working hard and loyally wherever you are. Yes, he was gone for a lot of the early years as our family was developing, but influence was and is ever present. The kids knew, throughout his deployments and our many other separations, his first priority was his family.

I think he has been an amazing dad. I am fortunate to have shared this parenting experience with him.

Next week, however, all bets are off and things will be back to normal; he’ll be fodder for another kind of column!