Jiminy says, “I tried.”

This is the column I wrote for The Leaf Chronicle, which published on Sep 15, 2013.

Writer’s note: Every now and again, I just have to write what is really going on; the struggle of my internal “Jiminy Cricket vs. Paige-nochio.”

Sit down. Calm your thoughts. Write.

You have a lot to get done today, so go ahead and write your column, you can then spend the rest of the day (God willing) working with customers and on your fall displays.

You have the best ideas. Let’s get started.

Let me just open a word document . . . wait a minute, what’s that? “Someone” left Facebook open and, look, Rebecca Townsend has written a new blog. I’ll just read that quickly—who knows, it may spark a thought for my article . . .

. . . Well, that was a beautifully written commentary on our National Day of Remembrance for the tragedies, bravery and sacrifices of September 11, 2001; poignant and personal. Rebecca has done so much for this community (especially our service members and their families) and doesn’t even give herself credit for it. I should write her a note—now, before I forget.

Okay. That’s done. Get busy.

How can you expect me to work with the desk such a mess?

Are you kidding me? If you take the time to clean this desk it will turn into the Gilligan’s Island equivalent of the “three hours cruise.” Mayhem and mishap are sure to follow and you will be frantically trying to think of something to write about 8 hours from now. In all actuality, you will likely only have succeeded restacking your paperwork into reasonably neater piles.

“Hi. I’m Melissa, your sales rep from Two’s Company,” says the peppy young lady walking through the door.

Dang it, Paige. You started the day by going to a non-existent appointment you failed to confirm; now you realize you forgot about scheduling this one. Well, there goes two hours.

I’m ready to write. I think I’ll tell folks about the extension we’ve added to our walkway. It is looking great. Hey, it’s Jimmy my UPS delivery guy. Ooh, he’s bringing me new inventory. I wonder what it is.

Stop right there missy! You know dang well it’s full of scarves—you saw the invoice yesterday. Get back to writing and you can open it as soon as you click “send.”

So, that walkway I mentioned a little over a month ago—well, it is finally under construction. I had a friend, Martha, who showed me pictures of the similar paths in her parents’ yard. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I need to call Parks and Rec to tell them about the lights that are out on the Upland Trail.

Unbelievable. We will never get this done. And stop looking at those boxes.

I really don’t think this is going to go anywhere. I should wait to write about the new walkway when it is done and I can share pictures.

So what you’re now admitting is that this stream of consciousness blather was a way to trick yourself into writing something without actually writing about anything.

I am not prepared to say that was my intent at the onset, as I really hoped I’d hit upon something along the way. Then I could go back and delete all of the “blather” and edit myself into a coherent presentation.

Oh hold on just one minute . . . you “coherent;” when, if ever? You’ve got people who are actually going to try to muddle through this nonsense. What do you have to show them?

Well, I shared a kind word with someone very deserving. I found an invoice I’d been looking for and hopefully, I won’t be walking in the dark tomorrow morning! Now, leave me alone, I’ve got boxes to open.

All I ask is you go back to the beginning and at least warn the readers so they can make an informed decision to waste 10 minutes of their day. Oh and make sure they know I am the voice of reason.